The Top 10 Conservative Idiots (No. 197)
May 9, 2005 Jesus Wept Edition
Well they've finally gone and done it... thanks to the actions of Chan Chandler (1) the right-wing have now perverted Christianity to the point where Democrats are no longer welcome in church. Jesus wept. Elsewhere, Tom DeLay (2) is lecturing people on humility and responsibility (really), the evidence that George W. Bush (3) lied America into war is staring everyone in the face, and Don Sherwood (4) might have choked his mistress. Meanwhile, Pat Robertson (6) has taken the last train to Loonyville, Laura Bush (7) tells a story about a horse's penis, and Kenneth Tomlinson (9) is seeing liberal bias everywhere.
2. Tom Delay Stop the presses! Tom DeLay is no longer in any trouble. See, last week he confessed his sins to the 54th annual National Day of Prayer gathering in Washington DC, so therefore the slate has been wiped clean and he can go back to work as if nothing ever happened. And that work now seems to include lecturing other people on the merits of humility and responsibility, if you can believe that. "Just think of what we could accomplish if we checked our pride at the door, if collectively we all spent less time taking credit and more time deserving it," he said, apparently with a straight face. "If we spent less time ducking responsibility and more time welcoming it. If we spent less time on our soapboxes and more time on our knees." Uh, yeah, it would be... great. Are you actually going to do any of that at any point, dumbass?
5. UT Campus Police Poor old Ann Coulter got heckled again during an appearance at the University of Texas last week. To be honest I'm not sure why she keeps showing up at these slimy liberal breeding grounds just so she can stand there while her arch-enemies shout obscenities at her. I dunno, maybe she's so full self-loathing that she has to hang out with people who hate her more than she hates herself. But anyway, UT student Ajai Raj asked Coulter this great question: "You say that you believe in the sanctity of marriage. How do you feel about marriages where the man does nothing but fuck his wife up the ass?" Raj then retreated to his seat giving Coulter the ol' jerk-off sign. Good question Mr. Raj, and, um, interestingly put. But Raj was definitely not expecting to find himself arrested for it - as he was leaving the auditorium, he was handcuffed by campus police. Raj's arrest report states that he "committed the offense of Disorderly Conduct #1 and #2 (abusive, profane, and vulgar language and obscene gesture - Class C misdemeanor)." So, uh, are we also going to arrest fifty percent of the crowd attending every major league baseball game this season? Just wondering.
read on - It's just too funny